The Axe, Sword, and Staff
by Smol Nozomi
Summary: Palutena has been assigned commander of The Sky Goddess, once Wolf's Landmaster but in his absence is used for scouting missions. Her team of 'heroes' consists of an egocentric Meta Knight and an awkward Villager who wants nothing to do with the task. Their mission is simple, but things turn for the worst when danger threatens the world! Will they be able to stop the oncoming evil?
1. Chapter 1: Teamwork

"Listen in team!" Palutena exclaimed. "As your newly deemed leader of this mission I thi-"

"Bullshit!" Interjected Meta Knight from the back of the ship.

"I ain't taking orders here missy, **I** am the one who gives them, not you, I don't care what Master Hand says!"

The room went silent, unsure of what action to make after such a comment, Villager arose from his chair and backfired: "Well, what would your first command be as leader, Meta Knight?" Stunned by the very idea of anyone actually listening to what he was saying, Meta Knight sat back down in his chair.

"Well, we will become a dysfunctional group as a whole if we don't find a way to rally under one cause. I suggest we have a competition to see who would make the best leader here!" Meta Knight rebuttaled.

"Well put!" Palutena said. "But what competition is there to do on such a small aircraft?"

Still watching the conversation unfold from afar, Villager suddenly had an idea. "What if we had a cooking competition? Being that we're all fighters here, it would seem the culinary arts would be a fair competition to determine who would be a just leader!"

Although the idea seemed farfetched, both Meta Knight and Palutena snickered to themselves. Outside from being an evil genius, Meta Knight was the best chef in dreamland and even beat the infamous Chef Adeleine on live TV! Unfortunately for the egocentric, winged fiend, Palutena was not only the ruler of Skyworld, but also the main chef for all the citizens within the city. Stories are told that her Pomme Frite and Trout recipe had actually killed a man because his mouth watered to the point where he lost all saliva in his body just eating one bite, killing him of dehydration!

Determined to be the commander of the mission, both Meta Knight and Palutena awaited their cooking challenge from Villager.

"In order to determine the **true** Captain of the The Sky Goddess, the challenge will be to prepare…" Villager lifted the napkin off the tray of food to reveal… "Is that a Nettler?!" Exclaimed Palutena. "No, it's some kind of red waddle doo or something!" Said Meta Knight. Under the napkin, Villager revealed a simple Lobster dish. To the surprise of Villager, Palutena nor Meta Knight had ever seen a lobster before, let alone knew where to find one in the kitchen. Dreading what is to happen next, Palutena and Meta Knight began creating a battle strategy. Just as the competition was about to begin, a large BOOM shook The Sky Goddess and everyone inside, Palutena immediately ran to the bow of the ship to witness a plethora of asteroids beating down on the ship.

"Meta Knight, get to the turret up top! Villager I need you to man the big gun, just push that big red button and you should be fine!"

Not questioning the situation, both Villager and Meta Knight ran to their stations to heed off the onslaught of debris. Just as planned, a light show of lasers plowed their way though the asteroid field. Palutena flipped and maneuvered the great ship through the space rocks while Villager and Meta Knight held off any that slipped through her weaving. After almost 10 minutes of heart pounding evasion, the crew finally reached open space.

"Heh, we did it!" Yelled Meta Knight climbing back down from the gun turret. "Never again…" groaned Villager as he waltzed his way to the bathroom.

"So how about that competition Meta Knight?" Palutena relpies.

"I think I've had enough 'fun' for one day's work, congrats you win… whatever, I'll be cooking dinner if you need me."

Meta Knight groveled down the corridor, praying Villager wasn't using his room to vomit his heart out.

"It's going to be an interesting mission, I can feel it." Palutena said sarcastically as she took back control of the steering wheel. From a distance she seemed to hear screaming of some kind. "VILLAGER YOU TWAT, GET OUT OF MY ROOM!"

 _Fin_

 **Author's note: Let the adventure begin! Hope you like it another one will come out shortly hopefully and I'd love to hear your feedback! Thank you!**


	2. Chapter 2: The Pit Stop

The meeting didn't last long, it was obvious, the ship needed fuel and more supplies if their journey were to continue!

The crew had been out in space for almost a week since the asteroids and the ship's occasional grumbles and mumbles made Palutena worried!

"We should probably find somewhere to re-fuel and get more food before we head into un-charted territory!" Palutena exclaimed.

"The Urlun Star is close by, I have friends there who owe me favors, it would be best to land there!" Said Meta Knight putting down his '#1 Villain' mug.

"Well if that doesn't work out I know the mayor of one of the towns close by!" Villager said. "I bet he'd be happy to help us out!"

"Regardless." Palutena said. "We need to land as fast as possible, I assume the ship won't last much longer, if the Urlun Star is closest we will make plans to land immediately!"

The team made way for the Urlun star, just as Meta Knight proposed. The locals were quick to greet their friend but were skeptical of the creepy kid with the weird eyes but weren't as much intimidated by the tall woman with the luscious coconuts.

"The gas station is just a couple blocks down that way and we prepared food for your travels Lord Meta Knight!" One of the Waddle Dees said whom they call Keith.

"Thank you this will be very helpful, Keith!"

As the ship received its gas, in the distance shouts could be heard from some of the Waddle Dees.

"What the hell is going on now?" said Meta Knight.

"Quick! Grab the tranquilizers! There's a rogue man taking food from our lord's bouquet! He won't get away with this!"

It seemed half the Waddle Dees in the city were on the job to stop the perpetrator from stealing from their precious gift to Lord Meta Knight!

"We need to help them!" exclaimed Villager. "That's our food you know!"

"I don't think we should tangle ourselves in the affairs of the Waddle Dees, they are a proud people who need no help from strangers, if you'll excuse me I'll meet you on the ship later, I have an errand to run before we leave."

Meta Knight wandered off while Palutena and Villager started putting all the food inside the Sky Goddess. As the ship was almost ready, the shouts continued to grow but then, an explosion went off in the distance along with the masked knight running straight toward the ship!

"RUN, THIS WHOLE DAMN PLACE IS A WAR ZONE!" Meta Knight shouted and then leaped into the cargo bay and scuffled to his position to take off. Palutena and Villager followed close behind quickly throwing everything in. Waddle Dees flew left and right at the windshield and onto the ship from the explosion. Meta Knight quickly turned on the windshield wipers and they were off!

"Well that was fun!" Villager exclaimed as he pushed limp Waddle Dees off the ship.

"Yeah a real riot." Snarked Meta Knight.

"What were you out doing anyway, that 'errand' you were running?"

"It's nothing worth mentioning, do we have our next location in mind to find out where Mr. L may be?"

"I had a place in mind, I bet he has the information we want but the man himself isn't… Well… 'right in the head'." Palutena said also trying to scrape Waddle Dees off the ship but man, were they persistent buggers!

"What do you mean by that?" Villager wondered.

"He's notorious for being a mad scientist and his methods are unconventional but he may have what we're looking for!"

"Who is he?!"

"Some call him Fabio Godfrey, lord of the Pyrite realms and king above the mountain, but he goes by the pen name of Professor E. Gad for his inventions, the dude's weird!"

The destination was set; Luigi's Mansion was only 3 days away!

 _Fin_

 **Author's note: OH DANG! Who would guess that this detour would turn into a danger zone?! Oh wait, I did. #authorthings**


	3. Chapter 3: Egad! Trouble in the Mansion!

The armchair swiveled around when the team entered the room. A stench of prune juice and what appeared to be chloroform filled the room.

"Greetings travelers, why have you interrupted my tea time on this dreadful day might I ask?"

"Might you be Fabio Godf-"

"NO!" Professor E. Gad slammed his shriveled fists on the table. "Nobody can call me that anymore! My name is Professor E. Gad, the leading scientist at Mushroom U and inventor of the one and only F.L.U.D.D device!"

The room was silent.

"The one Mario used in Su-FORGET IT! Why are you here?! Can't you see I'm busy?!"

Villager scanned the room and noticed hundreds of broken inventions scattered on the floor, crumpled pieces of paper littered the floor, and a vast collection of fine Chinas.

"We hear you have information regarding Mr. L, you know, mad genius like yourself who might or might not be threating to enslave the universe. Care to weigh in?"

The old man slowly rised from his chair, staring intently at a burnt weapon of some kind.

"I do in fact know of him. Where is he? I couldn't tell you if I wanted to. Three nights ago he came and sacked the place looking for a weapon I crafted that could burn through any sized ship or carrier. It was my finest work! Before the came, someone broke into the mansion and stole it from me, so, when L arrived he threatened to burn the whole place down if I don't remake it for him along with other materials for his army!"

Palutena didn't know how to respond, it was obvious that something happened inside the halls and the rooms that wasn't accidental.

"We will help you, we will find Mr. L and bring justice to you, I swear it." Meta Knight said, staring pridefully into the professor's eyes.

"Me too!" Villager looked up at stated. "I too will do everything in my power to help you sir!"

"Of course I too will help, not only is it our mission, but now it's certain that the problem at hand is more serious then initially thought! By the gods I will bring back pride to the name of Fabi- Professor E. Gad that is!" Palutena said with a smile that almost brought the withered man to tears.

"Bless you, truly, thank you, in return I will give you this, may it help in your travels!"

Fabio reached into his shirt to reveal a key tied to his neck. He leaned over in his chair and clicked his key into a small department inside the floorboards. The wood creaked and gave way to a long, steel paintbrush. The brush was covered in dust but the paint seemed to still be brand new.

"This is a prototype I had invented back in my prime, when I you know, still had hair… Anyways, the brush is laced with magic from Kammi Koopa herself, wherever you are, it allows you to warp wherever you need to go! I believe the power bar only will allow it to go 3 times, so use it wisely! Safe travels friends!"

Palutena stared at the device, baffled by his generosity.

"How could we possibly thank you for this?!" Palutena cried still flabbergasted as to what power she held in her hand.

E. Gad swiveled in his chair, as he circled, Villager extended his hand to thank him but when the chair made the full 360 turn, the man was gone.

Villager turned slowly to the Palutena and Meta Knight who still hadn't yet comprehended what just happened when Villager yelled,  
"RUN FOR IT THIS PLACE IS HAUNTED, EVERY MAN FOR HIMSELF!"

The trio sprinted full speed to the Sky Goddess, with the paintbrush still in hand, the team quickly boarded the ship. Immediately the engines roared and before they knew it the aircraft took flight!

Meta Knight stared out back to look at the mansion one last time.  
"What a strange old man…" He said, observing the paintbrush.

"Hey where's Villager by the way?"

Right as he said it, he heard a loud groan and the flush of a toilet down the hall.  
"VILLAGER IF YOU ARE HEAVING IN MY BATHROOM I'M GOING TO ANNIHLIATE YOU!" Meta Knight screamed, stomping quickly to the ill boy in hopes his chambers are still decent.

Palutena grinned, it seemed she was slowly beginning to enjoy their company somehow.

 _Fin_

 **Author's note: We start the chapter with nothing and we end it with a paintbrush, yay random plot points! Also, Villager needs some Vitamin C or something or this is going to be a long journey!**


	4. Chapter 3 (extended): Homecoming

It was easy moving as always, Palutena was off preparing lunch for the crew, Villager was sharpening his axe as he likes to do from time to time and Meta Knight was piloting the ship will reading the online newspaper. The room had been silent.

"My god." Meta Knight slowly lowered his reading glasses and the paper with it. Villager looked up quickly expecting some large space animal next to the ship.

"What's up MK?" Palutena walked over to Meta Knight who didn't respond, he simply shriveled up in his chair.

"Hey Meta Knight what's the mat-" Palutena looked down to see he tears swelled up in his eyes, the knight stared off into the distance, flabbergasted as to what he just read. Palutena picked up the paper he was reading.

"To Villager, Palutena, and Meta Knight, it is with a heavy heart I inform you that Satoru Iwata has passed away. The funeral service was held this morning, I'm sorry you had to hear it from me. Best wishes team! –Sincerely Master Hand."

The team was stunned, what seemed like an hour of silence captured the room. Palutena then began crying. But, it wasn't light tears, it slowly became an ugly sob and before long Villager started whimpering in his chair.  
"We have to do something…" Meta Knight said grabbing the paper from Palutena.

"DAMNIT ALL!" He yelled. "Why must good men die, why him?!" Meta Knight broke, along with Palutena, into ugly tears. Villager was speechless and he didn't know how to comfort his friends.

"I have an idea…" Villager silently said to them. He picked up the paint brush that had been lying on the ground this whole time.  
"Take us where we need to be." Villager lifted the paintbrush and pushed on the main button attached to the brush itself. Paint gushed from the device and engulfed the three in a liquid ooze. When the ooze dissolved, the three stood on a large, open field, the sun was just setting and a rainbow could be seen in the distance. Palutena looked down at her feet to see a stone, etched on it read: 'In loving memory of Satoru Iwata. You're memory will live on forever in infamy with the family you created.'

Palutena crouched down and began to meddle with a chain around her neck, tears flowing as much as back when they were on the ship. Meta Knight too, crouched down and loosed the harness on his cape. No words were said. On the tombstone Palutena placed her golden necklace, Meta Knight put his cape behind the gravestone, and Villager planted a tree, a perfect apple tree at that in his honor. When the tears dried up and the sniffles stopped, both MK and Palutena looked over at Villager and gave a simple nod of the head. As the button was released, the team warped back onto the ship, after a moment of silence, they went their separate ways throughout the ship, always remembering the man who brought him into this world and the man who made it his passion to keep them there.

 _Fin_

 **Author's note: Well I cried through most of that so sorry if some of the wording was off but truly thank you Satoru Iwata, you are the reason a lot of us can do what we love doing today and that's thanks to you!**


	5. Chapter 4: A Cry for Help

Palutena pulled out a map to the sector of the universe their ship was flying through.

"Let's see, so if we go through the Lylat system quickly we can then take a shortcut that would allow us to get through Mario's Galaxy faster with Rosalina's permission from headquarters! Any thoughts?"

"Yeah can we eat anytime soon, as much as I love the same damn apple stew Villager prepares, which, don't get me wrong I just LOVE! But maybe we could switch things up and go with a meal that isn't… What's the word, vomit inducing?" Meta Knight said sarcastically.

"It's not THAT bad…" Villager whispered to himself.

"I'm going to have to deny your offer, we need to get to the evil side of the universe before anything catastrophic happens!"

"Wait… There's an 'evil' side of the universe?" Villager said searching through the maps.  
"Well it's actually an interesting story Villager!" Palutena exclaimed. "It happened when Nin-"

Meta Knight hummed a tune in his head and twiddled his thumbs and watched as Palutena threw around arm motions describing to Villager something he didn't seem to care about.

"Wait, if Centaur's were real, would that mean they'd have two rib cages?" Meta Knight thought to himself all the while Palutena continues some rant to Villager. "I mean come on, if you have a horse's torso and a humans torso and head, that would just be weird? Do they have two hearts too?"

"And that's pretty much why there's an evil side of the Galaxy!" Palutena took a deep sigh and went back to studying the map.  
"Fascinating!" Villager exclaimed flipping through the maps of the evil galaxy.

"So we just need to get there as fast as we can, yes?" Meta Knight asked.

"Pretty much, so pit stops should be few and if we do they should be quick and not time consuming! I'm sorry if it becomes a hassle but Mr. L is kind of crazy so… Let's not let him continue to be a lunatic and harm innocent people!"

"Great speech but I have another question on the evil universe! If th-"

Villager was cut off by the sound of the phone blaring.  
"THE DISTRESS SIGNAL!" Villager quickly jumped into action and grabbed the phone.  
"Hello citizen, Villager speaking!"

"Wait… Is this not Wolf of the Star Wolf crew?" The voice replied.

"Oh damn, well we now own the ship so unfortunately he is no longer around… What can I help you with?"

"Well we're in a world of trouble, I don't know if you know somebody that could help but these shadow things are running rampant through Corneria! They seem to be targeting the smart bomb factory! Please he-"  
Distorted grumbling interrupted the call and a thump came from the other line as if the phone was dropped.

"Hello? HELLO?!" Villager quickly hung up the phone.  
"Hey losers, we got a mission!" Villager triumphantly staring at the two dumb founded teammates.

"Set course for Corneria I guess." Palutena sighed.

"Give me a break!" Meta Knight said as he ran to the main turret.

With the thrusters now in full throttle, the Sky Goddess roared and in an instant the ship warped away.

 _Fin_

 **Authors Note: Sorry for the long update but I was on vacation for a while so my updates from now on should be back on track!**


	6. Chapter 5: The Battle of Corneria - Pt 1

With the Sky Goddess in full throttle, Palutena turned her chair and yelled up: "Brace for impact!"

The ship grumbled as it broke through the threshold of the Lylat system, a deep fog impeded their vision of the ground below. Suddenly the outside cleared up in an instant, immediately an array of blasters surrounded the area and tank shells could be heard from a distance.

"ODIN'S BEARD!" Yelled Meta Knight for the main cannon chair.

"Prepare for a harsh landing guys!" Palutena pulled back as hard as she could on the steering wheel and the Sky Goddess flew back at full velocity, plummeting toward the war torn ground. Meta Knight as quick as lighting flew down from his position.

BAM!

The Sky Goddess made a crash landing behind the Corneria Capitol Building. Meta Knight had thankfully shielded both Villager and Palutena from the abrupt landing with his cloak but the shock still shook up the team nonetheless.

"Oh man, what happened?! Am I dead? OH MY GOD I'M DEAD" Villager yelled rolling around the floor crying.

"Get a hold of yourself Villager we crashed you nimrod! Grab your axe, I don't think this time we're going to receive a bouquet of goodies on our arrival this time!" Meta Knight said grabbing his sword from the ground.

Palutena had received a concussion from the crash and couldn't seem to get her bearings together. Stumbling over the ship left and right, she picked up her staff.

"Alright, let's not rush into this just yet! Meta Knight, quickly peek outside and see what the situation is!" Palutena said rubbing her head trying to get rid of the throbbing pain.

"Can do!" Meta Knight said immediately trying to pry open the damaged back door.

Meta Knight finally forced open the hangar door and took a step outside the ship. As soon as his foot stepped out of safety, everywhere a barrage of gunfire and cannon shells could be seen unfolding before his eyes.

"What in the actual hell is happening…" Meta Knight's vision was crippled from all the ash and dust that was all across the area. Through the dust, a dark figure began to take shape, growing bigger and bigger as Meta Knight continued to stare at the oncoming stranger.

"Who goes there?! And what are you doing on this planet, under the laws of the United Nin-" Meta Knight stopped. It was Slippy Toad stumbling over to meet up with him.

"Quick! Please tell me you're the team we called down for! We are in the deepest of troubles! A hooded man opened fire on Corneria out of nowhere and is destroying the entire city itself with his army!" Slippy yelled in his usual nasally voice.

"Whoa slow down their frog, there's only three of us on this ship! Sure we're all smashers but one of us has a bad head injury and I don't think even at full strength we could stop an entire army!" Meta Knight shouted through the sounds of arsenal fire.

"You're smashers?! As in Super Smash smashers?! Please! You're experienced fighters, right? If we don't fight back we're doomed! The Cornerian army has only a few waves left and if THAT falls… There will be nothing left to defend the planet!"

"God's I didn't sign up for this…" Meta Knight snarked to himself.

"Fine, we'll see what everyone thinks, don't expect too much though, I don't even know what the hell we're fighting!" Meta Knight quickly went back to Palutena and Villager with Slippy right beside him and explained to them the whole scenario.

"So that's why you got to help, please! You're the last shot we have to save the city!" Palutena still rubbed her head and winced in pain. She pondered the thought but knew what she had to do.

"Sigh, why not. We'll help out as much as we can!" Palutena said standing up from her chair.  
"Oh thank you, thank you! I'll tell the general!" Slippy ran back outside through the ash and he was gone.

"What a weird little fellow." Villager said throwing his axe on his back.

"Let's move team!" Palutena ordered.

Palutena, Meta Knight, and Villager jumped through the hangar door and approached incognito towards the war zone.

"DUCK!" Palutena yelled. In the blink of an eye a cannon shell flew past Villager's head just as he hit the ground.

"God's we can't fight what we can't see!" Villager said shaking the dirt off his clothes.

"I can fix that." Meta Knight replied. Readying his cape he twisted himself at Mach speeds and created a miniature tornado and whipped the sand and ash away from the team. Just as their vision returned, a field of Primid's and tanks took form all around the area. And as soon as they could see the enemy, the enemy could then see them!

"Shit." Meta Knight moaned.

One of the tank's took aim toward the three smashers and a group of Primid's charged forward toward them.

Palutena keeled over in pain and knelt on the ground grabbing her head.  
"Curses! Good god above I can't move at all!" Palutena cried clinching her staff.

"Stay down Palutena! No need for you to get killed if you can't fight, stay behind us!" Meta Knight yelled as he and Villager stood immediately in front of the fallen Goddess.

"Ready Villager?!" Meta Knight barked.

"As I'll ever be my friend!" Villager yelled.

The Primid's sprinted toward them as the tank loaded up a shell.

"FIRE!" The gunman inside the tank yelled as Palutena braced herself for the worst.

 _Fin_

 **Author's note: Alright we're back on schedule and ready to go, updates should be more normal now! Thank you to whoever reads this, it means a lot to me!**


	7. Chapter 6: The Battle of Corneria - Pt 2

The tank took aim at the three outnumbered smashers while the group of Primids began to close in.

"Blast it all, we're doomed!" Meta Knight said firmly clutching his sword in his hands.

"FIRE!" The gunman inside the tank yelled as a giant shell of iron burst forth from the vehicle. Meta Knight tried to leap out of the way but the shell was too fast. Villager's eyes twinkled as he stared dead into the core of the oncoming threat.

Plunk!

Meta Knight hit the ground and threw his hands over his head awaiting the explosion, but no such sound would come. He quickly looked over his shoulder to see Villager with what appeared to be some kind of giant tumor in his side pocket.

"VILLAGER! What the hell happened?!" Meta Knight yelled.

"Just a little tip I picked up from my time being a smasher! Projectiles don't stand a chance against me!" He said grinning at the fallen mercenary.

"But we need to move fast, I can only pocket one thing at a time, if another fires we're done for!"

"Fine by me!" Meta Knight replied getting up from the ground.

"Let's do this!" Meta Knight yelled. "Palutena, wait here!"

"You don't have to tell me twice!" Palutena said still wincing in pain from the crash.

The two smashers then charged forward into the opposition! Villager didn't give the Primids time to realize what happened; one swing after the other, Villager's axe was everywhere. Meta Knight too fought off as many foes as he could but the number was overwhelming. Villager threw one tree down after the next to impede the advance of the enemy but the numbers kept rising. Meta Knight spun back and forth in his Mach tornadoes taking down as much as he could, but it was too much.

"Meta Knight fall back, it's time for the counterattack!" Villager took a deep breath as Meta Knight quickly stood back in front of the fallen Palutena.

"Hit the deck guys!" Villager yelled as he lifted the cannon shell from his pocket. Taking a big swing back and throwing his leg out to the side, Villager threw the shell back at the adversaries quicker then what the tank had produced before.

BANG!

An explosion that could match the size of the Halberd arose in the center of the enemy line. Primid bodies flew left and right from the blast and along with them the tank shot up into the heavens! The opposition was taken out in less then a second.

"That kid never ceases to amaze me…" Meta Knight whispered to himself.

Villager stood tall, his back to the two other crewmembers and right before Meta Knight was going to praise him; he collapsed.

"VILLAGER!" Meta Knight rushed to the hero's side.

"Hey, hey! Get a hold of yourself what happened?!" Meta Knight yelled, patting the boy's face to try and get him to respond.

"Damn, that cannon shell… Took all my energy out…" Villager said flinching in pain.

"Shit! We got to get you guys out of here I can't take another wave alone!" Meta Knight threw Villager onto his shoulders and took Palutena's hand but she could barely move.

"Oy!" Meta Knight wailed. "We got to go or we're going to die out here! You get it? DEATH! THE EXACT OPPOSITE OF WHAT WE NEED TO BE DOING RIGHT NOW!" Meta Knight yelled. I can't die here, not now!" Meta Knight then whispered to himself.

Villager slowly tilted his head backwards to see another oncoming wave of Primids and this time 3 tanks followed behind.

"No, no, NO! Come on Palutena we HAVE to go!" Meta Knight yelled but the goddess was un-responsive.

"Please you guys, we gotta… We gotta go! We…" Meta Knight paused as tears began to trickle through his mask. It became clear that they had been bested. The winged smasher dropped Villager onto the ground and fell onto his knees.

"Well damn, sorry Adeleine, this seems like the end for me then." Meta Knight looked up at the Primid rank finally closing in. He took his sword and stared into the finely honed blade, looking into its reflection.

"Fine. FINE! You wanna dance with me you rat bastards?! Yeah?! Well let's dance!" Meta Knight held out his sword, shaking with fear. The Primid battalion charged at the lone smasher with sword in hand ready to take down whoever stood in their way. Meta Knight threw his sword back ready to cut down his foes, then he heard a muffled voice. Somebody was yelling behind him.

"The big man saving the damsel, just classic!" A voice yelled.

Meta Knight quickly turned to see but the ash and dust in the distance blotched out the figure.

"FALL BACK!" The voice yelled. Suddenly a churning, metallic sound arose from the stranger and a robotic voice spoke:

" **Safety restrictions: Off.** "

A greenish hue in the distance emerged from the debris and following was a beam unlike anything Meta Knight had ever seen.

KER-PLOW! (onomatopoeias are life)

The explosion before paled in comparison to the one that emerged from the stranger's weapon. A giant mushroom cloud of an unfathomable size decimated the enemy line, including those in the main ranks. The hooded man whom was in charge of the enemy fleet took notice fast and before he could send another wave to finish the disturbance off, the unknown perpetrator vanished.

"Glad I showed up in time!" The raspy voiced man stated grabbing the three team members and loading them onto his machine of some kind.

"Where are you taking us? We want no part in your evil doings!" Meta Knight said sternly.

"Well I can tell you one thing kid, I ain't evil, why else would I blow up all those purple dudes and come n' save your asses?"

Meta Knight knew his points were valid, they were saved for some reason, but why remained a mystery.

"Here we are!" He said happily, landing in front of the Sky Goddess.

"Who exactly are you?" Meta Knight said grabbing Villager and Palutena off the man's gadget.

Coming into vision, the man was tall and slender. He had long, baggy jeans and a Hawaiian t-shirt on. His face was beaten up with a 5 o'clock shadow and it didn't seem like showers were a part of his daily rituals.

"I thought you'd figure it out by now." He said putting out his cigarrete.

"Oh god." Meta Knight moaned. "Not you again!"

 _Fin_

 **Author's note: The tension rises as a random adversary saves the team from their inevitable demise! Who is the man? You probably know but it's fine, OR DO YOU!? Find out next time!**


	8. Chapter 7: The Serpent's Path

The PA system blared through the smash mansion:

"Snake, if you're in the facility, please stop by Master Hand's office for your final Brawl report. Also, to all the other smashers, enjoy yourselves before the release of Smash 4, until then, this is the last sign off, thank you!"

Snake rolled out of his bed, dressed head to toe in his usual combat attire. Grenades hung around his belt, his usual slash around his forehead riddled with sweat from last night's matches.

"It's too early for this shit Fingers…" Snake grabbed his usual weapons and gadgets and put them in his pocket, which he can do apparently because he's Snake.

"Dum de dum de dum, wow, I love whistling early in the morning! Oh hey Wolf! How was the Brawl talk?!" Wolf stared at the mercenary with a deep glare, his red eyes seemed like he was crying awhile ago. After a long and awkward stare down, Wolf ran away sobbing.

"Well that was weird." Snake said making his way through the mansion.

"Alright here it is, Master Hand's office!" Snake twisted the doorknob and was caught off guard by a worried voice behind him.

"Snake I'm so sorry!" Zero Suit Samus ran over and gave the confused smasher a hug. Her upper section pressed against Snake's made him smile happily as he took in a deep whiff of the busty woman's perfume.

"It was an honor fighting against you and I wish you the best!" Zero Suit said wiping tears from her eyes. She quickly walked away blowing her nose as she waved to Snake.

"Wow everyone I guess is acting weird, but if it's from her, I mean, I can't say I mind too much!" Snake thought to himself waving back to the saddened bounty hunter.

He seemed happier then ever walking into the office.

"Sup fingers, what did you need me for!" Snake said sitting down in front of Master Hand's desk.

"Please stop calling me that Snake, it's just Master Hand, I'll even accept Handy like Meta Knight called me even though Ness and Lucas seemed to find that humorous when they hear it for whatever reason…" Master Hand said fiddling with the things on his desk.

"Alright whatever, let's just get on with the reason why you called me in here. Want to shower me with love for being so awesome at fighting again?" Snake said picking at his teeth.

"Man, Snake, you have been with us all throughout Brawl and we truly appreciate everything you have done! I mean, Metal Gear is… Solid, I guess. Great game, no, uh, no reason to call it bad right? So that being said that means, you know, YOU are a great fighter if that makes any sense…" Master Hand said awkwardly.

"Cut to the chase fingers."

"Snake as you know Smash 4 has started in production and the roster is going to be bigger then ever!"

"Great I'll see you when the game comes out! Great talk as always!" Snake stood up from the chair and opened the door to leave.

"SNAKE!" Master Hand shouted as he was leaving. "

"You're… You're not going to be in the next game! I'm sorry, boss says they don't like the whole grenades, RPGs, and tranquilizer business in a Nintendo game, you get that right?" Master Hand sighed to himself awaiting Snake's rebuttal. The mercenary slowly closed the door; his head drooped low and sat back down in his chair.

"We're really sorry Snake, but we need you to be out of here by the end of the day, it was nice working with you." Master Hand got up to leave quickly before Snake started a fit.

"WHAT THE HELL DOES THAT MEAN?!" Snake yelled standing up from his chair.

"Look at all this shit I have, I mean come on!" Snake pulled out his various grenades and landmines to show off.  
"If kids don't think this stuff is cool then… Well that doesn't matter! Check this out!" Snake whipped out his RPG to try and sway Master Hand's decision.

"This thing does 25%! TO A HEAVY! If that doesn't have awesome character written all over it then you got to be crazy and I just added this cool new feature that sho-" Snake's finger slipped and the RPG fired through the office and exploded outside in the garden area right next to where Peach was standing. Master Hand slowly turned to face Snake but he was gone.

"Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, I gotta go!" Snake ran up into his room and quickly packed all of his things.  
"Damn how am I going to get out of this place without getting killed?!" The mercenary quickly ran downstairs with his stuff, dropping random trinkets along the way. Just as he was about to open the front doors of the mansion he heard Captain Falcon talking with Ike. Quickly he sneaked right next to the doorway to hear their conversation. Falcon always carried on him something Snake was looking for to escape.

"So yeah I'm just sitting right next to the guy and he flat out says: 'F-Zero isn't getting another game!' I'm like, what the heck man! So I turn to Sakurai alright…" Captain Falcon kept rambling to Ike who didn't seem to care too much. Just then Snake saw what he need dangling from Captain Falcon's belt, the keys to Blue Falcon itself.

"Hey Falcon!" Snake said walking up to the two grinning like a fool.

"How is uhh… Life?" Snake said sweating bullets; constantly looking down at his keys.

"LOOK OVER THERE, ZERO SUIT SAMUS DROPPED SOMETHING!" Snake shouted out of nowhere.

Ike and Falcon like clockwork immediately turned their heads to see 'what she dropped.' Snake as fast as he could swiped the keys from the racer's belt but was unfortunately not as fast as he thought.

"What the hell man, you looking to die Snake?" Captain Falcon yelled.

"Now give me back the keys funny guy!" Snake reluctantly moved his hand to give him the keys and then sprinted off.

"STOP SNAKE! ANYBODY! HE IS STEALING MY CAR!" Falcon yelled as he and Ike chased after him. Snake quickly bit off the safety pin on a grenade and threw it behind him.

BOOM!

Just as Snake left through the main doors, the front part of the mansion exploded behind him.

"I guess it's best to leave your mark when you leave places I suppose!"

Snake finally arrived at the parking lot looking for his newly 'acquired' ride.

"There you are!" Snake said unlocking the Blue Falcon.

"YOU BLEW UP MY GARDEN YOU HALF WIT!"

Snake turned around to see in the distance Peach running toward him with hell itself incarnated in her eyes, smashing everything in her path along the way.

"Well damn, pressure's on now Snake." He said to himself skimming through the control panel.

"This one should do it!" He said placing the key into the ignition.

The Blue Falcon bursted with life as Snake grabbed the steering wheel. The radio then started up playing 'Let's Kick it Up' by Paul Gordon. (AN: I don't own the song but it's always a solid choice for badass moments)

"Ah yes, what's a sick escape without music?" Just as Snake thrusted his foot on the pedal, Peach slammed the top of the machine with a frying pan.

"GOOD GRAVY WOMAN!" Snake put the Blue Falcon into full power and in the blink of an eye he was gone.

"BAHAHAHAHA!" Snake yelled waving goodbye to his chasers.

Flying off into the sunset, Snake knew where he needed to go from there, it was time for him to visit an old friend to hopefully find purpose in his life now that he was no longer a smasher. Far away, though, Snake could still hear Peach yelling:

"Snake! SNAKE! SNAAAAAAAAAKE!"

 _Fin_

 **AN: Updates are going to be more random now that I'm preparing for college so if you're reading this thank you and hopefully you'll read the next installments soon!**


	9. Chapter 8: A Newfound Purpose

Snake had been driving for a couple hours at this point, it was a nice sunny day, nothing around for miles yet he still felt uneasy.

"Good afternoon Mr. Falcon! What is your desired destination for today?" The computer inside the Blue Falcon asked.

"Well that's the thing computer, I don't know where I am headed or where I want to go. All I know is that those freaks are probably going to be chasing me for stealing, UH, I mean, borrowing his, um, Gameboy…" Snake said hoping the computer couldn't tell whether or not he was the true owner of the vehicle. As he was plotting out his next move, the computer suddenly turned back on.

"Sir, a vehicle is approaching quickly behind, it appears to be Wolf's old ship Captain."

"Oh god is he on my ass now too?!" Snake quickly turned around with the ship still plowing forward. Pulling out some binoculars in his pack he inspected the oncoming attacker.

"What the hell?" Snake zoomed to him to see a tall green haired woman piloting the ship. The mercenary immediately began to turn red and a hint of blood dropped from his nose.

"My god. What a radiantly gorgeous woman piloting that ship!"

Just as he said it the Sky Goddess jumped into warp speeds and before he knew it, the unknown beauty was gone.

"NO COME BACK!" He yelled but to no avail. Continuing his driving to who knows where, he noticed an oncoming sign.

"Mushroom Kingdom next left. Luigi's Mansion next right." Snake scratched his 5 o'clock shadow questioning his next move.

"Computer!" Snake said with confidence. "I know just the man I need to see!"

"Of course, Captain."

The Blue Falcon immediately then swerved right and the weather shifted as soon as they took the exit. The road turned dark and desolate as the vehicle slowly crept through the narrow road.

"Alright I regret this idea immediately." Snake said clutching a grenade in his hands. The Blue Falcon came to a complete stop right in front of the abandoned mansion. As the mercenary began to step outside he heard an explosion.

BANG!  
The left of the mansion spewed chunks of wood and furniture as a commotion could be heard from inside the building.

"Now THAT is what I like to hear!"

Snake locked the Blue Falcon up and made sure to push it behind a tree so the possible rebel rousers couldn't mess with it. The sound of yelling and shouts grew louder and louder as he approached the mansion doors. Peaking his head inside he noticed a plethora of wire frames going through the house, tearing the entire mansion down looking for something. As quick as he could he crawled in the shadows hoping to snatch up some spoils from the apparent robbery.

"I won't say it again E. Gad!" A voice yelled from the room he was next to. "Give us the weapon or this mansion of yours will burn to the ground; Along with it, you!"

"I'm telling you, that weapon isn't ready for use! You could kill yourself using that thing! It's not meant for battle yet!" E. Gad said in his shriveled voice. Snake continued to crawl hoping to hear the conversation more clearly when one of the floor boards creeked underneath him.  
"What was that?" The man said walking out the door. Looking around to find the culprit Snake sprung into action.

"What is it my lord L?" One of the wire frames asked running into the room.

"Nothing it seems." Mr. L said still scanning the area. "Just the same stupid boxes everywhere!" Mr. L proceeded to walk back into the room.

"God that was close." Snake said inside his usual box. "What's Luigi doing with the weird get-up on?" Just as he was about to leave the floorboard then snapped from under him.

"Ah shit!" Snake fell through the wood flooring into a dimly lit room with cobwebs and faded torches scattered throughout.

"What sort of weird shit is this old man into?" Snake thought to himself. Searching the room he noticed a lone box on top of a pedestal with the word 'Danger' engraved on the top.

"That's the spirit!" Snake said attempting the pick the lock on it.

SNAP!

Just as the lock broke a siren went off upstairs.

"Oh no! They found it!" E. Gad said to himself nervously.

Snake quickly opened the chest to reveal exactly what the men upstairs had been looking for. Pulling it out it had a large barrel and inscribed on the side the weapon read: 'Widow Maker 4000'.

"Man that guy is weird…" Snake said quickly grabbing it and throwing it on his back.

"WHAT WAS THAT E. GAD!" Mr. L yelled from upstairs.

"I have no clue!" E. Gad said panicking. "One of your men must have triggered some kind of self-destruct device or something!"

Clenching his fist in frustration, Mr. L grabbed hold of the old man.

"Alright listen in, if you don't 'find' what we're looking for in one week, this whole place is burning to the ground, got it?!"

E. Gad nodded in agreement and fell to the floor.

"Let's move men, we'll be back for the super weapon soon!"

A stampede of footsteps shook the upstairs floor, as Snake remained silent with the newly acquired device. When the noises faded the mercenary quickly climbed out of the pit and snuck out the main doors of the mansion. Running as fast he could he unlocked the Blue Falcon and started the up engines.

"Well that was worth it!" Snake said driving out of the somber forest.

"Where to next Captain?" The computer said as the vehicle returned to the main road.

"Not sure, but I could go for a burger or something!" Snake said as his stomach growled.

Driving down the main road he noticed a grey object approaching to the right of the Blue Falcon and looking to his left he saw the same thing.

"What the heck?"

Picking up speed he tried to ignore it but the objects kept growing, taking a closer look it was a legion of Armank from back when Snake fought in the Subspace Emissary.

"Oh man, computer, full speed ahead we got enemies around us!"

The Blue Falcon began to pick up speed as more enemies began to close in along with a hooded man on a battlecruiser.

"Shit, computer, more speed! Head for the mushroom kingdom, we might be able to hit a warp zone if we can make!"

"Of course, Captain!"

The Blue Falcon hit Mach speeds and was able to out speed some of the pursuers but the hooded man was able to keep up quite well.

"Hand over the weapon and we won't destroy your ship Captain Falcon! We know you have it!" As the wind hit his face, the hood of the unknown enemy flipped off to unveil Mr. L to be the pursuer.

"Not good! NOT GOOD!" Snake yelled. Flipping open the door he yelled behind him:

"Good luck getting it!"

Mr. L grew furious and pressed a button on his control panel to reveal a huge plasma cannon on his ship.

"Oh don't worry, I will try my very best!" Mr. L fired a shot and it barely missed the Blue Falcon.

"Damnit all, computer go into auto-pilot for a second, it's time to break out our new toy!"

"Of course, Captain!" The computer replied.

Snake pulled the Widow Maker 4000 from behind him and flipped the safety restriction off.

"SAFETY RESTRICTION: OFF" The gun echoed.

"Just how I like it! Here's for hoping this works!" Snake pulled the trigger and flew backwards onto the front of the car but the blast flew from the weapon. A green orb flew toward the adversary and as soon as it touched the surface of the ground it went off.

BANG!  
A mushroom cloud appeared that Snake couldn't even describe erupted from the orb. The entire squad of enemies disappeared in the blink of an eye and sent Mr. L's ship off the other way with him screaming as Snake and the Blue Falcon continued forward to the Mushroom Kingdom. Just then the Blue Falcon's controls started flashing red.

"Sir, the ship running out of fuel fast, we used to much in that chase, we need to re-fuel if we wish to continue."

"Damn one thing after another. Make way for the warp zone, just get to the closest one I don't want to be stranded around Toads…" Snake said as they entered the city.

"It appears the first warp zone option is the Urlun Star, Captain." The computer said as the Blue Falcon began to slow down.

"Sure, sure let's just get there! The sooner we do the sooner I can eat and we can be back on the road." Snake said entering the warp zone.

The Blue Falcon and Snake spun around at light speeds and in a couple seconds the reappeared inside of a hangar on the Urlun Star.

"Dang, it's pretty abandoned for a major star in the galaxy." Snake said driving out of the hangar.

"What the?" Snake looked over to see a familiar sight surrounded by all the waddle dees.

"What is the next move, Captain?" The computer stated.

Snake's face turned a deep red and his nose began to trickle blood.

 _Fin_

 **AN: Does Snake have a new found purpose now that he has arrived on the Urlun Star? Or should I say, purposes?** **(** **͡** **͜ʖ** **͡** **°)**


	10. Chapter 9: Snake's Encounter

Wiping away the blood still stained on his nose, Snake continued to search for some source of food.

"Gods we must have been searching for a couple hours looking for a decent place to eat but there doesn't seem to be anything here except for that gluten-free restaurant back there but I mean… I want GOOD food, you know?" Snake said driving down the barren roads of the Urlun Star.

"Of course, Captain!" The Blue Falcon responded in its usual fashion. Turning the corner, a pack of Waddle Dees could be seen carrying food out of a group of shops in large armfuls, hurrying along to presumably the same destination.

"Oh nice, some kind of cookout I see! I can fly with that type of meal!" Snake said parking the car.

"Excuse me mister, but what might all this food be heading to?" Snake asked one of the Waddle Dees carrying a couple baskets of baked goods in his arms.

"This is for our lordship, he finally came back into town you see! The whole town is loading up their ship in hopes for their save travels!"

The Waddle Dee said following the same route all the others were taking to the bouquet.

"Whoa whoa, this is all for one dude?!" Snake said staring enviously at the copious amounts of food going away from him.

"You don't think you could, you know, hook a traveler up with a couple pieces of that Maximum Tomato?" Snake said reaching for the delicious fruit.

"HANDS OFF!" The Waddle Dee yelled slapping his prying arm away, thus making all the food in his hand fall to the ground.

"Great! Look what you have done to our lord's food! You should be ashamed of yourself!" The Waddle Dee yelled as others began to stop and witness the events unfolding before them.

"Look little guy, all I wanted was one! You're not feeding fucking King K. Rool or something!" Snake yelled back still staring intently at the fallen food. Looking up quickly at the furious Waddle Dee then back down at the fallen food, Snake quickly snatched a crate full of food from the ground and began running back to the car.

"COMPUTER! WE NEED TO GO NOW! START THE CAR!" Snake shouted sprinting away from the Waddle Dee's probable glare. Glancing behind him, he noticed that he wasn't only receiving a glare, but more Waddle Dees started to yell at the mercenary until one of them threw a spear his way.

"GET HIM!" One of the Waddle Dee's shouted chasing after the thief.

"Damnit!" Snake said juggling the food in one hand as he reached for a grenade with his other. He quickly pulled back the pin and threw it behind him, turning around to ensure it hit.

BAM!

Tens of Waddle Dees flipped up into the air. As Snake laughed to himself, he turned around to get into his car but to his dismay he was then surrounded by pestered Waddle Dees.

"So you want to play that game with me, huh?" Snake said putting the crate down and loading up an RPG shot.

"KILL THE THIEF!" One of the Waddle Dees yelled. All in unison, the swarm of blobs jumped onto the invader at full force. Snake slammed to the ground from the sheer number of them.

"Shit!" Snake yelled trying to reach for his RPG but to no avail. Snake groaned and pushed his body as hard as he could. Gritting his teeth, he pushed the hoard off of him and went on the attack punching one Waddle Dee after the other. As his fists connected to each one he realized how weak his adversaries were.

"God these losers make it seem like I'm beating up a band of pillows!" Snake thought to himself as he tossed another grenade into the endless flow of Waddle Dees approaching him. It seemed like an infinite number of them were gunning for Snake.

"LEAVE ME ALONE!" Snake yelled chucking grenade after grenade into the sea of red foes.

BAM! BAM! BAM!

"What in the hell is going on over there?" Palutena said loading up the Sky Goddess with crates of food and supplies.

"Beats me!" Villager said keeping the oncoming showers of Waddle Dee bodies from hitting both him and Palutena.

"Computer!" Snake yelled still pile driving Waddle Dees into the ground. "Come over to me, we got to get the hell out of here, I'm running out of grenades!"

"Of course, Captain!" The ship bellowed, popping up from the ground, it made it's way over to Snake, flattening everything in its path.

"Ready, Captain!" The ship said opening up the cockpit for his master in peril.

"Let's roll!" Snake yelled pounding his way to the car with his crate of food now back in his hand. Jumping into the car and closing the cockpit, Snake sped out of the area as fast as possible.

"Well that… Wasn't worth it at all." Snake grumbled cracking his back. Just as they seemed in the clear, a loud rumble befell near the Blue Falcon. Looking up, Snake caught a glimpse of the culprit; it was Wolf's Landmaster taking off. Hoping to catch a glimpse of the heartthrob he had seen before, Snake pulled out his binoculars to see the very same green haired woman piloting the ship.

"You see that computer? That right there proves there still is some good left in this torn up world…" Snake said gazing upon the Goddess and all her majesty.

"Where might be your next destination sir?" The computer asked.

"I need a break, computer. But something is still bugging me though." Snake said trailing the slow going spaceship. "That's Wolf's Landmaster, Master Hand now is in control of his Landmaster now that he's retired from Smash. That being said, that means there's probably smashers in there, yes, smashers I have never seen, but smashers none the less." Snake said stroking his 5 o'clock shadow.

"Well what are you saying, sir?" The computer replied.

"I'm saying something must be wrong in the universe for Fingers to be sending Smashers outside the mansion. Especially just as a new game was announced too." Snake said to himself. "It may be for the best if I put a tracking chip on them in case something truly goes wrong." Snake said opening up the cockpit door.

"That's creepy, sir…" The computer said still lagging behind the smasher's ship.

"IT'S NOT LIKE THAT!" Snake yelled down at the dashboard as he loaded one of his tracking chips into his gun. The mercenary took aim and fired at the cargo bay area, hoping they wouldn't notice it inside the ship.

BAM!

Snake quickly checked his watch to see if the device had stuck and fortunately the plan was successful. Putting in the coordinates of the tracking chip into his watch, Snake was now able to see where the ship was at all times in case of danger.

"I may be retired." Snake thought to himself. "But if my hunch is correct, those goons I encountered back Luigi's mansion may not be as little of a threat as I imagined before." Snake closed the cockpit and took back his place in the driver's seat.

"Pardon me sir, you never answered my first question, where might be our next destination?" The computer asked.

"Beats me, I think I need a vacation computer. I've been fighting far too long and far too often without a break to function anymore. Computer, GPS me a place to lay low for awhile so I can work on my tan while this thing blows over." Snake said closing his eyes and smiling at the thought of an actual vacation.

"It seems if we take the warp zone back to the Mushroom Kingdom, we could take a detour to Isle Delfino where you could 'lay low,' as you say." The computer said.

"Perfect! Although we might have to run over some more of those little blobs again… Even better!" Snake turned around the Blue Falcon as the aircraft behind them warped away from the vicinity. Returning to the town, some of the Waddle Dees were still trying to get up as the ship plowed through them again, Snake even swerved from their course in order to hit some of them.

"God I love this place!" Snake yelled as the Blue Falcon jumped through the warp zone.

"Next stop: An actual break!" The mercenary said leaning back in his chair. Isle Delfino was only a couple minutes away!

 _Fin_

 **AN: I might at a little extra chapter aside from the plot on Snake's fun at Isle Delfino but as the story goes, there is in fact evil out there… Sorry Snake, no long vacation for you!**


End file.
